The Indestructible Steel Texan
by TheWriter22
Summary: Jeff Boomhauer was just your average billionaire but on a business trip to Afghanistan, he is captured and held hostage by terrorist, so now he must use his great mind to escape but soon after he discovers the truth behind his capture. Parody of the 2008 Iron man Movie
1. The Worst Drive Ever

**Disclaimer: I do not own King of the Hill that belongs to Mike Judge and Greg Daniels while Iron Man is the property of Marvel Comics and I assume Stan Lee.  
**

**Greetings, I welcome you to the first of many Marvel movie parodies which I'm hoping to lead up to a parody of the Avengers (BEST MOVIE EVER! followed closely by the Dark Knight Rises). Now these parodies will involve characters mostly from King of the Hill but I'll toss in my own original characters some which if you're a fan of my Werewolf of the Hill series (season 2 coming soon) you might already know some of them. So without further ado, I like to present The Indestructible Scandium Ranger. P.S. this story will have elements from both Iron Man movies.  
**

* * *

It was a sunny afternoon in the Afghanistan desert and the temperature outside was hotter than Hades but the heat wasn't a problem for three United States Army Hummers as they drove on the desert road towards their destination. Inside each vehicle was a soldier of the U.S. Army dressed in desert camouflage and carrying the latest guns and side arms plus in the second Hummer only driver and two of the passengers were soldiers for the fourth man was a citizen in his early forties with blonde hair and was wearing a personalized tailored suit that no normal person could afford even if they saved up their money for the next five years. This man was no one other than Jeff Boomhauer, billionaire, ladies man, and all around cool guy, he was sitting next to one of the soldiers with a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes and a small glass of bourbon in his right hand.

"Excuse me, Mr. Boomhauer." the soldier sitting next to him spoke up

Boomhauer had unintentionally fallen asleep during the course of the trip and when the soldier spoke to him that woke him up.

"What?" Boomhauer stammered as he woke up

"Sorry to wake you, sir," the soldier apologized, "I was just going to ask if you're enjoying your visit to the Middle East?"

"It's fine, Private, it's dang old wonderful."

"I'm actually a Sergeant."

Boomhauer took a zip of his bourbon while ignoring that little mistake and then the soldier sitting in the front seat raised his hand.

"What up, man?"

"May I ask you a personal question?"

"Shoot."

"Is it true that you had three supermodels fight over you so that one of them could pose with you on a magazine cover?"

"Men." the driver said

"Dang, you're a woman." Boomhauer shouted in shock

"Yes, I'm a women but I'm a Captain first." she replied

"Has anyone told you that you have such a lovely face."

"I'm sure you tell that to all the women."

The other two soldiers and Boomhauer laughed which then the female captain joined in.

"Hey," the sergeant said as he pulled out a small camera, "is it okay if I get a picture taken with you?"

"Go right head, man." Boomhauer said as he took off his sunglasses

The sergeant tossed his camera to the soldier in the passenger seat then scooted closer to Boomhauer who naturally put on a big grin for the upcoming picture while the sergeant held up a peace sign.

"Here's to peace, "Boomhauer said as he held up his glass, "with it I'm out of a dang job."

The soldier steadied the camera as the hummer was some how only capable of hitting every bump on the road.

"Say, cheese."

"Cheese." they both said

Then as soon as the flash went off a large explosion came from in front of them and shook the vehicle, they looked in front of them to see that something that caused the hummer in front of them to explode into pieces.

"What's was that?" Boomhauer asked while having a panic attack

"Get down, sir." the sergeant ordered as he forced Boomhauer to bend down

At that moment the number of explosions increased followed by the sound of gun fire.

"Sergeant Tyler, say in with Boomhauer, Jones you're with me." The captain ordered as she hoped out of the car but both her and Jones were immediately killed on sight

"Damn it," Tyler said as he grabbed his gun, "Boomhauer, when I give the commanded get out and make a run for it."

"The captain said that you were like suppose to say the hell here." Boomhauer reminded

Tyler ignored him as he opened the door and told Boomhauer to run right before several bullets struck him causing a good amount blood to hit Boomhauer who freaked out, opened the door and made a run for it. With amazing speed and agility Boomhauer managed to dodge all the bullets and shrapnel coming from all around him but a shockwave from a nearby explosion knocked him down so he resorted to crawling on all fours towards the largest rock he could find which he decided to make his hiding place.

"_I need dang back up." _he thought as he took out his cell phone

He could only manage to dial three numbers for one of the explosives landed right next to him but it didn't go off. Boomhauer sighed in relief but then his face was fill with horror and confusion as for the device had the words **Boomhauer Industries **printed on it.

"Uh?" was all Boomhauer could say for the device finally detonated and sent him flying through the air and landed a good number of feet away

He laid there motionless and completely free of pain most likely from the shock then using all his strength he lifted up his arm and carefully placed it on his chest and right away he felt blood which by touching his wound caused him to black out. He awoken to the noise of someone talking but for the life of him he couldn't understand a single word, he also noticed that he had some type of bag over his head and that his hands and feet were in fact tied to a chair. Suddenly he felt somebody grab the bag from his head and yanked it off and gave him a chance to see the faces of his captures were not to his surprise terrorist who were heavily armed with guns that he recognized as the one that his company makes for the U.S. Military. The lead terrorist pointed at him without looking away from the camera that he was talking into, the only words he could understand was when the terrorist said "Jeff Boomhauer" then once again he found himself slipping into the darkness.

* * *

**How will Boomhauer get out of this situation? I guess if you read the comics and watched the movie you know exactly how but the fun is to see how Boomhauer does it. Like I said before I'm going to make parodies of the other marvel movies that lead up to The Avengers (Like Hulk, Thor, Captain America), so if you have any suggestions for me I'm all ears. **


	2. Just Another Evening

**Disclaimer: I do not own King of the Hill or Iron Man is this just a non-profit parody.**

**Presenting the second chapter of this Iron Man parody starring Boomhauer. Enjoy**

* * *

(Las Vegas: Thirty Six Hours Earlier)

Inside a large room in the famous Caesars Palace filled with people who came all dressed up for a special occasion, one which was getting ready to start when the lights dimmed and a picture of Jeff Boomhauer appeared on a large screen above the stage.

"_A Genius, A Visionary, A True American Patriot, these are the words that best describe Jeff Boomhauer," _a voice said over a speaker, _"with his high intelligence and imagination at a real early age, the oldest of two sons of famous weapons maker Harold Boomhauer he quickly stole the spotlight." _

The next image was of a young Jeff with his father holding something that Jeff had made all by himself.

"_At the age of four Jeff build his first circuit board, then his first engine at age six, and then at age sixteen he graduated at the top of his class with a degree in Technology, but sadly two years later the passing of a titan, the deaths of Harold, his wife Valarie, and Jeff's younger brother Patch in a car accident that deeply effected Jeff, but luckily for Harold his lifelong friend, Buck Strickland was there to fill the hole left by the legend, then at the age of twenty-one the prodigal son returns to claim the rightful place as CEO of Boomhauer Industries where in no time moved the company forward into a new era with smarter weapons, advancements in robotics, and improvements in satellite targeting, Today we can sleep soundly because, Jeff Boomhauer has single handily changed every thing in the weapons industries to guarantee that America and her interest around the globe are well protected." _

The crowd cheered and applauded as the presentation while a man in a U.S. Air Force uniform stepped up on the stage towards the podium holding a trophy.

"Good, evening," the man greeted, "I'm L.T. Colonel Roger Sack lifelong friend to Jeff Boomhauer himself and representive from the Air Force to Boomhauer Industries which gives me the honor of to personally present this year's Apogee Award to my friend and mentor, Mr. Jeff Boomhauer."

Once again the crowd cheered and Roger stood up on the stage getting ready to hand his best friend the award but something was wrong for Boomhauer wasn't getting up to accept the award. Roger looked down at the table where Buck Strickland was sitting and gave him the, "Where is he at?" look which Buck responded by shrugging his shoulders before getting up and walking up to the stage where Roger handed him the trophy.

"Thank you very much, Colonel," Buck said as Roger walked off to look for Jeff, "this is such a lovely trophy and if you think I'm Jeff Boomhauer then obviously need to get your eyes check but if I was Jeff I'm sure he would say that he's honored to have received this most prestigious award plus he throw in a couple of "dang olds" somewhere but if I know Jeff and I do I bet anything that's he's working on his next big project right at this moment."

Poor old Buck Strickland for he couldn't be anymore wrong for at that moment Boomhauer was in the casino playing craps with two attractive women standing next to him on each side.

"Come on dang old six, man," Boomhauer said before tossing the dice which the result was six, "WOOO!"

He was getting ready to roll again when Roger came walking up from behind.

"There you are," he said, "I've looked everywhere for you."

Boomhauer turned to see his best friend standing there.

"Hey, Roger, you're just in time I'm on a dang roll."

Roger placed the trophy in front of Boomhauer.

"I was personally informed that you would be deeply honored if I presented you with this award."

Jeff picked up the award and gave Roger a cheesy grin which didn't go over to well with him.

"I am deeply honored."

"Can we go now?"

"Come on one more roll."

Boomhauer lifted the dice to the two lovely women who gently blew on them the he turned to Roger who after non stop begging from Jeff knocked on the dice out of his hand, then the dice rolled as Boomhauer was hoping for right outcome but instead the dice came up a two.

"Snakes Eyes, you lose." the man running the table shouted

"I guess you can't win them all." Jeff said as he left the table and Roger quickly followed

The two walked out of the casino and into the man lobby where a man dressed as Caesar himself was standing in the center of the room greeting the different people around him until Jeff handed him the trophy.

"Look, tomorrow we're going to Afghanistan for your big demonstration of your latest weapon and I need you well rested and sober."

"Don't worry I'll be on time." Jeff promised as they stepped outside where his personal chauffeur left to get the limo

"Remember, don't be late." Roger said as he left to go home

Boomhauer stood there waiting for his limo when somebody walked up to him.

"Mr. Boomhauer." a voice said

Jeff turned to see a woman around his height with long black hair wearing a purple blouse with a black skirt, along with golden necklace.

"Alea Bloodworth, Arlen Bystander." the woman introduced herself

"You mean like from Arlen, Texas?"

"Yes." Alea replied

"What on Earth are you doing in Las Vegas?"

"It's not everyday a man who can trace his childhood back to Arlen makes a big name for himself but again you are Jeff Boomhauer and the Bystander wants to know everything that there is to know about Arlen's favorite son."

"What would you like to know?" Jeff asked

"First off what do you think your nickname, The Real Life Daedalus?"

"I'm not to crazy about that one, I mean the guy was a bad father for letting his dang son fly so close to the freaking sun with wings made of wax."

"How about the Supplier of Chaos?"

"Now that one I like it has a ring to it."

"Personally I wouldn't be so proud of that name."

"Let me guess, Brown?"

Columbia actually." Alea corrected

"Okay then, Miss Columbia," Jeff said, "there's only one Earth and I'll admit that it's not perfect but the day that all wars end and the nations of the world declare peace then I will personally began to build children's hospitals with my bare hands."

"Sounds a little rehearsed." Alea pointed out

"Every morning when I get up and again before I go to bed."

Alea turned off her tape recorder then placed it back in her pocket.

"I think we're done here."

"Now hold on, beautiful," Boomhauer said," I got more to say."

Alea stared at him until she decided to give him another chance and brought her tape recorder back out.

"Fine, you got one more chance but I want a straight and serious answer."

"How is this for serious, my father lived by a philosophy, "Peace can only be achieved if you are holding the bigger stick."." Boomhauer recited

"Pretty easy to say coming from the guy who has the stick that can easily kill the other guy." Alea sarcastically stated

"Give me a break, woman," Jeff said, "my father helped to defeat those pesky Nazis, he was a key player in the Manhattan Project, so go back to your professors at Columbia and I bet they'll tell you that he is a dang hero."

"Yet some would say that he profited from the war."

"Will you quit focusing in on the negative," Jeff beg, "there have been dozens of breakthroughs in medical technology from Boomhauer Industries that have benefited millions of citizens."

"How do you sleep at night." Alea said with deep hatred for Jeff's personality

(6:59 a.m. the next day)

We see Alea laying on a large king sized bed cover by a sheet and a large blanket.

"_Good, Morning, Jeff_," a voice of a woman greeted which woke Alea up frightened as she held on to the sheet as she looked around to see that no one was present she then looked at the window, "_the time is 7 a.m. and temperature for Malibu is sixty-seven degrees with clear skies and a wind speed of five mph." _

Alea turned her head as what she guess was a holographic curtain opened to show a gorgeous view of the outside, she stood up still holding on to the sheet as she walked over to the window to see the clear sky and the beautiful blue ocean below which was just a small part of the cliff side home of Jeff Boomhauer.

"I'm not proud of the events that cause me to ended up here but damn." Alea complemented the view while remembering the events of last night

She left the bedroom in a robe that she found lying over a chair and decided to look around the home of the famous Boomhauer. Her investigation led her to the living room which she to her surprise was a half way decent furniture despite the fact that Jeff was a bachelor and a taste for music by the grand piano in the corner Then something caught her eye when she spotted a type of biological scanner next to a decorative metal door she slowly reached out and touched it.

"_Unknown biological signature detected," _the same female voice said from before causing Alea to jump back a bit, _"you have no authorization to enter this area." _

"That would be S.A.L.L.Y," another female voice said, "Jeff's greatest creation as she likes to say."

Alea turned to see a woman about her height with medium length blonde hair wearing a white silk shirt under a black jacket with matching skirt holding a large clear plastic bag with what Alea could see was her cloths.

"I got your cloths, they been dry cleaned, ironed, and are good as new."

Alea immediately figured out who the woman was and smiled.

"No doubt that you're Jeff's famous assistant, Katherine Hester," Alea guessed, "I see that you're still doing the grunt work after all these years?"

"Well Mr. Boomhauer is at busy man so somebody has to do all the small things," Katherine explained, "that includes everything from dry cleaning to taking out all the unwanted trash from the house."

She didn't know why but Alea felt offended by how Katherine said that last part.

"There's a car waiting for you outside."

Katherine handed Alea her cloths then headed downstairs to Jeff's garage/work station to get some things done before he left for his visit overseas. She reached the bottom of the stairs where Boomhauer was working on one of his classic cars while listening to some music that he had up to a level that some would consider too loud. She stopped at the door, reached into her pocket and pulled out a pair of earplugs that she put in both ears before she placed her thumb on the scanner.

"_Authorization Granted, welcome Miss Hester." _Sally greeted

She walked through the door where she immediately turned the knob that controlled the volume of the music and got Boomhauer's attention.

.

"Hey, hey, don't turn off my dang music." Boomhauer shouted standing up

"Well if I didn't then you wouldn't hear me when I said that Roger just called to tell you that your late because your jet was supposed to leave an hour ago,"

"One would think it would wait on me since it's my freaking jet."

"Not only that but I need you to quickly sign these few papers before you leave."

"Why the dang old rush, Katherine?" Jeff asked as he quickly put his signature on the documents then handed them back to her

"It just so happens that I made plans for tonight."

"What kind of plans?"

"Nothing special," Katherine answered as she placed the documents back in the folder, "it just happens that today is my birthday."

"It's your birthday already?"

"Yeah, pretty funny how I had one last year on the same day."

"Okay, then get yourself something on my behalf."

"I already did that and what you got me is wonderful."

Boomhauer wished her a happy birthday before he headed upstairs to get ready for his trip on the other side of the world.

* * *

**So that's the first series of events that will lead up to his capture, next up the second half of these events and the first part of his escape. Stay Tuned.**


	3. Welcome To The Cave

**Disclaimer: I do not own King of the Hill or Iron Man, this is a non-profit parody. **

**After a two month delay I present to you chapter three. Enjoy.**

* * *

Boomhauer arrived at the airport in his own car while winning a race against his assistant who was in a car of their own.

"You beat me again, sir." Jeff's assistant said

"Better luck next time," Jeff shouted back as he got his luggage from the trunk

He approached the steps leading up to the plane where he saw a very upset Roger glaring at him.

"Three hours," Roger shouted, "I've been waiting here for three hours, you promised me that you wouldn't be late."

"Sorry, Roger, this dang reporter from my hometown wouldn't leave me alone," Jeff explained as he walked by Roger, "now we're waiting on you, let's go."

Roger rolled his eyes before walking back inside the plane which took off minutes later. The flight took hours but for Roger it seemed more like years for every time he tried to do something that involved work, Jeff would simply ignore him by hitting on one of the many female flight attendants or drinking some of his martinis.

"Come on, Jeff, this is serious," Roger complained, "we have a lot to go over before we land."

"What is there to go over?" Jeff asked as one of the flight attendants brought him a hot towel

"I wish you could focus as hard on this demonstration as you do on women."

Jeff didn't say anything so Roger decided to continue going over the paperwork while Jeff listened in every so often. The plane landed hours later at the military base where base commander was waiting for them.

"It's an honor have you here, Mr. Boomhauer," the general greeted, "I'm hoping that your new weapon won't disappointment me."

"Don't worry, General Noble," Roger spoke up while saluting the General, "the weapon is simply amazing."

"Of course it will, I created it." Jeff said

"Well then, shall we." Noble suggested as he and the two soldiers escorted Jeff and Roger away from the plane

They were giving time to rest up before the demonstration, first the general took them to his office where he informed Jeff on how his incredible weapons have improved their odds in the war plus told him how much the soldiers were looking forward to the new weapon. Then they headed off to the mess hall where they got a bite to eat and surprisingly Jeff found the food half way decent which was better than listening to Roger and Noble talk about military stuff but was soon freed when a sergeant by the name of Tyler came up to Noble and told him that everything was ready. After a long drive to where in moments Jeff was going to give his big demonstration and just like Noble said around twenty soldiers have gathered to witness his newest weapon in action. The crowd grew silent as Jeff walked up to the front, he looked at them with a smile on his face for the moment they all been waiting for has arrived.

"They say it's better to have dang old respect then to have people fear you," Jeff began his speech, "I don't see a dang problem with having both."

He then pointed towards a large object covered up by a tarp that soon came off revealing to them three large missiles that sat on top of a rotating platform.

"This baby comes installed with the latest technologies straight from Boomhauer Industries and what I like to call my crown jewel."

The missiles started to rotate and then aimed for a small group of hills off in the distances as the soldiers and Roger watched with amazement.

"There are those who say that the best weapon is one that you never have to fire, well I laugh at them for I say the best one a man can have is a weapon they only have to fire once, this was proven by both my father and America and so far it has worked pretty well so far."

"If you only have to fire once then why are there three missiles?" Tyler whispered to Roger

Tyler and the rest of the group were soon in awe as one of the missiles got launched towards its target which when it was halfway to its target the sides of the missile broke off and dozens of smaller projectiles shot out and flew towards the hills.

"Soldiers of all ranks, I like to present to you from my mind to reality, a weapon so effective that it will make the bad guys hide in their caves in fear…."

They all watched as the small explosives hit the hillside that resulted in an explosion that wiped the hillside off the map and creating a small dust storm.

"Please put your dang old hands together for… The Judge."

The shock wave brought the dust storm across the desert towards the small group who braced themselves for the incoming storm but despite their best effort the storm hit them hard with such force that it caused some of the men to lose their hats including Roger. The soldiers soon recovered and started to clap in approval as Jeff stood up there in front of them with a cheesy ass grin on his face.

"_Could I be any more amazing?" _he thought to himself

After the dust settled Boomhauer broke out his special cooler that contained a bottle of vodka and several glasses which he offered up to everyone there, Jeff had already made his drink when his phone went off and to no surprise it was Buck who was checking in.

"How did it go, Old Top?"

"It went smooth, go head and book your cruise to South America for Christmas." Jeff replied

"Good, now I can go back to sleep without the worrying if the demonstration failed or not."

"You can rest easy."

"Thanks, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Buck hung up right as Hummer that was going to take Boomhauer back to the base pulled up, he got in and scooted towards the far side of the Hummer, then Roger ran up to the window.

"Hey, Jeff." Roger called out

"I'm sorry, man, this is the fun-vee," Jeff said, "I'm afraid the hum-drum vee is back there."

Roger shook his head.

"Fine, but I wanted to tell you that you did a great job." Roger informed before heading towards the rear Hummer

The vehicles soon took off bringing us back to the beginning of the story where they got ambushed by terrorists that led to Boomhauer being caught in the explosion by one of his own bombs. He managed to regain consciousness a few times after blacking out in the chair but all he could remember was some man cutting into him and inserting some type of device that caused him so much pain that he passed out.

(unknown hours later)

He awoke in pain from what he would call meatball surgery like from M*A*S*H to find himself lying on a dirty cot with an even dirtier blanket on top of him but what disturbed him most was the plastic tube shoved up his nose. He wasted in no time sitting up, removed the tape and began to pull out the tube which took over a minute to pull out. After the tube was out he started to look around trying to figure out where he was at and how to escape, the only conclusion was that he was in some cave, then he saw on a small table a cup of what he hoped was water but something began to tug at his chest as he tried to reach for the water.

"Careful, you won't live long if you undo my work." some one said

Jeff slowly turned his head to see a man wearing glasses with dark brown hair except on the top of his head where he was in fact bald, he was also wearing dirty tattered cloths. The man was standing in front of a mirror as he was just finishing shaving his face when Boomhauer woke up. The man then walked over to a small coal-burning fire in the middle of the room where he spooned out a bowl of stew.

"You're just in time." the man informed

He walked over to the table and grabbed the cup of water that he gave to Boomhauer who drank the entire glass right away. He then looked down at his chest and noticed that someone had bandaged up his chest and that two wires were coming out from under them. Boomhauer began to panic as he ripped away the bandages to discover that the two wires ran from some device in his chest to a car battery that sat underneath his bed.

"What the got dang hell did you do?"

"That's a funny way of thanking me for saving your life," the man answered, "what I did was remove all the shrapnel that I could."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jar with metal fragments.

"A little souvenir for me but I'm afraid there are some smaller pieces that I couldn't get to so now they're headed towards your atrial septum, so I implanted an electromagnet in your chest which I hooked up to that car battery now that's the only thing keeping the shrapnel for destroying your heart."

Boomhauer looked up and noticed a security camera aimed right at them.

"Yup, that's right, Big Brother is watching our every move," the man informed as he walked over and grabbed Boomhauer some food, "probably not the best time to talk about this but we've actually meet before."

"We have."

"Yeah, it was a few years ago at a technical conference in Switzerland."

"I'm afraid I don't remember that," Boomhauer said, "that whole week was a little blurry

The man chuckled.

"Not surprising, if I was as drunk as you were I too wouldn't remember giving a lecture about integrated circuits."

Boomhauer continued to look around when he spotted a metal door.

"So whose keeping us prisoner?"

That very second the doors began to open and the stranger stood up and placed his head on the back of his head.

"If you want to survive the next few seconds then do what I do." he said

Jeff looked at him then stood up and placed his hands on the back of his head right as a heavy-set bearded man walked in to the room accompanied by two men holding fire arms that Jeff recognized as his own.

"How the hell did they get my dang guns?"

"Hush." the stranger ordered

The first man smiled with joy as his eyes came upon Jeff then he said something in a language that he didn't understand. Boomhauer just looked over at his cellmate hoping he could tell him what the man just said to him.

"Sorry, my friend doesn't understand Arabic," the man apologized before turning to Jeff, "he said "Welcome, Jeff Boomhauer, the most famous mass murderer that ever roamed the Earth."

The bearded man continued to speak.

"Its his honor to have you in his presences and that the reason you are here is because he wants you to build the missile you demonstrated, you call it The Judge." the man translated

One of the men with guns handed Jeff a photograph of the mentioned weapon which he stared at for a couple of minutes.

"Not in this lifetime." Jeff refused

He soon regretted those words as the bearded man ordered the two men to submerge Jeff's head in a nearby metal tub but was soon pulled out after three minutes underwater which his head was then covered by the same bag from before and felt himself being led out of the cave as sunlight penetrated the bag. Once outside the bearded man removed the sack and after his eyes adjusted to the sunlight he saw a small camp filled with terrorist and a large supply of crates marked with the words **Boomhauer Industries**. The bearded man said something and Boomhauer turned towards the stranger.

"He wants to know what you think of their collection?" the stranger translated

"I'm surprised they have so many things that belong to me." Boomhauer stated his opinion

The stranger paid close attention as the bearded man continued to listen.

"They have everything you might need to build the Judge, all you have to do is make a list of supplies which he'll then have his men gather up so you can being to work right away."

Boomhauer had no other choice but to accept the man's offer.

"Fine, I'll do it."

The bearded man smiled with joy as he and Jeff shook hands and said something in Arabic.

"He's promises that once your done he'll let you go."

Boomhauer smiled.

"He's lying through his teeth."

Later that evening Jeff and the stranger were sitting around the fire in their room eating what was left of the stew. The stranger looked at Boomhauer while he was eating and could tell something was on his mind.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure they're looking for you," he ensured, "but I'm afraid that they might not find you in these caves."

This didn't make Jeff feel any better.

"Look, remember what you saw out there, those are your weapons, your life's work, your legacy are now in the hands of those scoundrels."

Boomhauer stared at him knowing that he wasn't going to make it out of here alive.

"What's the point, if they don't kill me then this dang shrapnel will for the minute this car battery dies it's over."

"So that's how the great Jeff Boomhauer wants to go out, he would rather sit and wait for death while those murderers kill American troops with weapons you created to help the Army or do you want to go out knowing that there is something that you can do about it."

"This battery will only last maybe a week, then I'm dead."

"Then, my friend this looks like a very important week for you."

* * *

**Let's hope Boomhauer finds a way for him and his new friend to escape but I have a feeling that the bearded man is not in charge like they think. Stay Tuned**


	4. The Plan

**Disclaimer: I do not own King of the Hill or Iron Man.**

* * *

It was the middle of the next day and Jeff along with his cellmate and a handful of terrorists began to set up his workstation. He told the man what he needed then the man would translate for their captors who then went outside to gather up the supplies.

"Jeff," the man shouted, "they don't have acetylene for you to weld with, all they have is propane."

"That's okay, it'll work as well."

The man told the men to get the propane and soon Jeff's work station was complete. The of them decided to eat so that they would have enough energy to build the weapon, while the two were eating the terrorists left the room and for the first time he noticed that the men were speaking several different languages.

"How many dang languages do they know?" he asked

"Eleven as far as I have counted," the man answered, "they speak, Arabic, Russian, Farsi, Urdu just to name a few, I actually learned the languages jut by listening to them."

"What do you know about these guys?"

"From what I could translate they call themselves "The Rings of Omega" and by the large supply of your weapons I say that they are huge fans of yours."

They finished up their food while being watched very closely by their captors who were eager to watch the famous Jeff Boomhauer go to work but what they don't know is that when he was writing down the list of supplies for them to get he was secretly coming up with an idea on how to escape this hell hole. The first thing Jeff did confused his cellmate for he reached inside a part of the non completed missile and pulled out a small container which he carried over to a table that terrorists had provided him and with ease opened up the container, then with a small pair of tweezers lifted out a small round blue glass like material.

"What is that stuff." the man asked

"Its called palladium," Jeff explained, "I need you break down the rest of it."

The man spent the next couple hours breaking down the remaining palladium and gently placed it in a smelting cup. The palladium melted into a fiery liquid which he carefully walked from the fire over to the table where Jeff had set up a mold.

"Easy now, this is our only shot at this, if we mess this up then entire plan we won't get a second chance."

"Don't worry, I have very steady hands," the man informed, "if I didn't then your insides would look like they been in a fight with a weed whacker plus you would be dead."

He reached the table and began to carefully pour the liquid into the mold that is when Jeff realized there was a piece of information he didn't have.

"I should have thought of this earlier but what is your name?"

"Artie Booker, but you can just call me Artie."

"Well, Artie, its dang old nice to meet you."

"Same here."

Days passed and Boomhauer had finally finished the object he set out to build and placed it carefully on the table. The device itself looks like a small shiny blue crystal but when Boomhauer waved his hand over it, the device began to give off a light powerful enough to light up a small area he was sitting. Artie walked over to the table where the beauty of the device amazed him.

"I'm no weapons expert but that doesn't look like a missile."

"It's called an arc reactor," Boomhauer informed, "a small one actually, I have a larger one powering my factory back home, this one I'm hoping this one will keep the dang old shrapnel away from my heart.

"What kind of power can something like this generate?"

"If I did my math right I should generate around three gigajoules per second."

"Three gigajoules, all that power could easily keep your heart running for fifty lifetimes." Artie pointed out potential of Jeff's invention

"Then again it could stop after fifteen minutes," Boomhauer added, "on the off-chance that I don't kick the dang old bucket I've managed to come up with an idea on how to escape."

He picked up the car battery and walked over to the table with where he grabbed a small stack of thin brown paper that had what looked like scribbles which he handed to Artie.

"What is it?" Artie asked while trying to make sense of the scribbles

"I tell you what, lay them out flat on the table and see for yourself."

Artie laid the papers on the table, that's when he noticed that the light caused the scribbles from the other papers began to show up on the top piece. He then straightened the pile of papers until the scribbles all came to create a blueprint for a large mechanical battle suit. Artie looked at Jeff and smiled.

"You my friend are truly a genius."

"Thank you but before we begin how about we swap this dang battery around with the arc reactor."

"Okay I'll get my equipment ready but be warned I never actually went to medical school."

"I'm still alive so you did something right."

Artie began the operation and to Jeff's surprise it wasn't as painful as he thought it would be, it hurt like hell but then again having someone cutting you up with a rusty knife hurts way less than getting blown up by a bomb. The operation itself however didn't go unnoticed by their captors who two of them were watching them through the camera, a third man stood along the back wall watching Jeff and Artie as he eagerly twisted a large gold ring with a red stone around his finger. Boomhauer was up on his feet after a day of recovery and was playing a game of backgammon.

"So, Artie, do you have a family?" Jeff asked while it was Artie's turn

"I do, they're waiting for me and I'll see then as soon as I get out of here."

"Where are you from?"

"I live in Oklahoma but I was actually born in a small town not to far from here, it's called Gulmira."

"You were born here?"

"My parents loved to travel the globe, they had planned for me to arrive after their trip to the Middle East but as you can guess I came ahead of schedule, I didn't really settle down in the America until ten years ago, so what about you, Boomhauer, do you have any family waiting for you back home?"

Boomhauer didn't say anything as he rolled the dice but Artie knew his answer.

"Jeff Boomhauer, the man who can buy everything he desires and at the same time has nothing."

The next day they started to build the machine that will help them escape, Jeff took it easy the first couple of days as he was still recovering from surgery but after the second week he started to do more of the difficult task such as welding all while being watched by the terrorist who after something couldn't figure out what they were doing for none of the stuff they were building matched up with the items needed to build the Judge missile. They got even more confused one day for after two months of working it appeared that Jeff and Artie only managed to create piles of scrap metal. The man with the ring was starting to twist the ring in anger resulting in rubbing his finger raw, he ordered the two men watching the cameras to come with him for it was time to see what their _guests_ were really doing. Boomhauer was sitting on top of the table moving his right leg back and forth as he was trying out what one would guess was a leg brace.

"It's surprisingly comfortable." Jeff said before the doors to their cell swung open and the two terrorist entered with their guns aimed right at them

"Easy." Artie begged as he and Boomhauer raised their hands

Then the man with the ring stepped forward and the men lowered their guns.

"You can put your hands down." he told his prisoners

"Who are you?" Jeff asked

"My name is Yasin," the man introduced himself in perfect English, "I am the leader of this group of The Rings of Omega."

"I had a feeling that the guy who reminds me a bit of Dom Deluise wasn't really in charge around here."

Yasin chuckled as he walked closer to Jeff and noticed the light from under his shirt.

"Did you know that the bow and arrow at one time was the most feared weapon in the ancient world, the pinnacle of weapons you would say, the great warrior Genghis Khan had an empire stretching from the Pacific to the Ukraine, four times bigger then one of Alexander the Great and four times larger than the Roman Empire."

He stopped for a moment when he spotted the papers with the designs for the suit laying on the table, he picked them up and started to go through them causing Jeff and Artie to panic but he didn't seem to notice the design as he just tossed the papers back on the table and continued his little speech.

"This was all because of the bow and arrow but now these days the one who rules this land is the one that can get their hands on the latest weapons from Boomhauer Industries and soon that person will be me."

Yasin then turned his attention towards Artie who at this point was beginning to sweat.

"_**I'm very disappointed in you, Mr. Booker**_," Yasin spoke to Artie in Arabic, "_**I spared your life after my men captured you and you repay me by building junk." **_

"**It may seem like we're not getting anything done but building missiles is very complicated for two men to do by themselves." **Artie replied

Yasin said something to his men and the next thing Jeff knew they forced Artie to his knees and placed the right side of Artie's face on an anvil knocking his glasses of in the process. He then watched as Yasin watched over to the fire and took out one of the smelting cups with a large pair of tongs while one of the guards opened Artie's mouth.

"_**You better start telling me the truth.**_"

"_**We're working, that is the truth." **_

Jeff watched as Yasin lowered the cup closer to Artie's face.

"Hey, tell me want you want." Jeff pleaded but Yasin ignored him

"_**I'm not a fool, Mr. Booker, I know there's more going on here**_," Yasin questioned, "_**you better start telling the truth or we'll all find out what happens when someone has liquid metal poured down their throat**_."

"_**He's building you the Judge**_." Artie informed him

"_**I told you, I want the truth**_."

"_**I swear he's building the missile."**_

Right as a drop of hot liquid metal almost fell out of the cup Jeff had stepped forward.

"Listen, all I could understand from that dang conversation was something about the Judge," Jeff spoke up hoping he'd just spared Artie's life, "if you want me to speed up on the delivery date then I will but I'm going need his help."

Yasin looked at Jeff then down at Artie, what he did next help Jeff relax a bit for he reached down, picked up Artie's glasses, and told his men to let him do.

"I say, Mr. Booker, you are one lucky man but hear this, next time you fail me I will not show so much compassion," Yasin said as he handed the glasses to Artie before turning to Jeff, "I'm giving you one month to complete this missile."

"I guess I can manage another month in this hell hole."

Yasin smirked.

"Well if you fail me I'll make hell look like a trip to the beach."

He turned back to his men and ordered them to follow him as he left the cell leaving Jeff and Artie alone to begin working on the missile.

"One month," Artie said, "will that be enough time to finish."

"Yep." Jeff answered with a nod

* * *

**In the next chapter Boomhauer and Artie will try to escape from the cave. Will they prevail. Stay Tuned.**


End file.
